It's Lurch

The car was named by my good friend Terry, who was inspired by its temperamental manner when shifting gears. It is also known affectionately as "Lurch the Wonder Slug" and "The Little Lurch That Could". Mike Judge's "Beavis and Butt-Head" inspired the raunchier, less-used nickname "Lurch the Fisty Fiesta".

Lurch has travelled as far north as Vancouver, BC; as far south as Bellfountain, Oregon; and as far west as the Pacific Ocean. Its most memorable trip was the time I took my leave of Seattle (not to mention my senses) for a whirlwind tour of western Montana, going as far east as Missoula and lasting about 28 hours.

It has all the usual things a Ford Fiesta comes with, but is also equipped with the following options:

• 2 spent tree-shaped coconut air fresheners
• 1 stylish clip-on "country breeze" air freshener
• Annoying windshield crack
• Speedometer that goes kind of wobbly around 25
• Squeaky brakes (curses on Autotune & Lube!)
• Sony boom box with rechargeable batteries
• Cassette/spare change/beverage holder (with a propensity for dumping Big Gulps on sharp left turns)
• Spare spare tire (sic)
• Cable tire chains (never know when you'll need 'em!)
• Emergency flares
• Nine Inch Nails window decal
• Ministry window decal
• Starfleet Academy window decal
• "Negativland: No Other Possibility" bumper sticker
• "Hang Up & Drive" bumper sticker
• "On the Internet, nobody knows you're using Windows NT" window decal

26 Apr 95